So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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