Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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