I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
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You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
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I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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