You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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