Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
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Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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