It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize