You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize