you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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