we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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