It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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