You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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