Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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