Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
where am i from again
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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