you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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