theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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