its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize