umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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