And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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