On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
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before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
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I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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