We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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