I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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