so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
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I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
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Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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