So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it was like eating out sand paper
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize