just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize