I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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