Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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