please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
sex in a hospital.. check
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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