so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize