Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He shit in the fireplace
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