i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
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I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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