Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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