I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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