Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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