i permit you to call me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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