Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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