i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
