Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
