At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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