my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize