Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize