talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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