I wish I could teleport
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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