I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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