New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize