just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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