So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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