we have pet lesbian snakes
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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