I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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