I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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