I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
