also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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