i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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